Friday, November 25, 2011

Things for which I am NOT thankful

I thought I'd follow up Wednesday's 'Thankful' post with a fun look at a few things that drive me cray-cray. We've all got them. Here are some of mine:

1. People who start a sentence with "I don't mean to be a bitch, but...." Then don't. Moving on.

2. Twitter spammers. I will follow back most people, but I will drop you like a rabid raccoon if 99% of your posts are shameless self-promotion. I only get on twitter a couple times a week. If I've seen the same amazon review blurb about your awesome mystery book at least 7 times in a single week, that means you're resending the same tweet like 20 times a week. No. Just no. Also, if all your tweets are Please follow => @randomstranger, @randomstrangersmom, @irrelevant, @couldbeanyone... you're also getting unfollowed. I mean, WHO actually follows people for no reason at all???? I'm more about quality, than quantity, if you know what I mean.

3. Insane pseudo-professional cyclists. The asphalt loop around Forest Park is NOT the Tour de France. It is a place for wobbly rollerbladers and jogglers (a jogger who juggles--quite a feat) and freaking little kids on bikes with training wheels. I realize your padded spandex shorts make you feel like a professional, but if you can't slow down for five seconds or share the track then you need to GTFO before someone gets killed, okay?

4. Pet rent. So let me get this straight. I can move in a gainfully-employed, big, sweaty boyfriend who will undoubtedly spill a different flavor of beer on the carpet every week during Monday Night Football for free, but my unemployed cats, whose biggest crimes will be shedding all over my sofa, have to pay monthly rent in addition to their separate security deposit? Something's not right about that.

5. Clueless reviewers. I'm not talking about the mean-spirited people on goodreads who mistakenly think it's funny to decorate their 1-star reviews with jpegs of cartoon characters spewing vomit on book covers. Those people deserve a blog post all of their own. Right now I'm cranky at the people who say:

 "This book really pulled me in and I loved the main character and the setting was so exotic and I really liked everything up until I realized Fabulous Author was presenting Christianity as if it were a myth and I'm Christian so I just couldn't agree with that. 1 star."

Really? So Fabulous Author is maybe a different religion than you are, or maybe she's the same religion, but since this is a work of FICTION her character feels differently, and for that you feel justified giving Amazing YA Novel it's only 1-star review? Ditto for the people who say "I really liked it, Breakout Author is a phenomenal writer, but her MC had sex with an older guy and I just don't think we should be marketing this to teens. 1 star."

What about the parts of these reviews (and yes, they are paraphrased but real) that say "really pulled me in", "loved the MC", "really liked it", "phenomenal writer"? Do these not warrant any stars at all? Rating books should be about how you viewed the work overall, not about your political agenda. And I say that as a writer, reader, and book reviewer.

What's driving YOU crazy?


  1. I love this! I am constantly annoyed with those clueless reviewers, being contradictory doesn't warrant any credibility. I'm totally on board with #1, if you preface something with "I don't mean to be", you obviously mean it. I didn't know pet rent even existed, but that is completely ridiculous. Those people are going to be sorry when the cats take over the world :0)

  2. Ugh, I feel you SO MUCH on the Pet Rent issue. Especially when it's on top of a ridiculous pet deposit ($1000 anyone?). This is really affecting my ability to find a new apartment.

  3. That's so funny! I can't wait to read your book!!

  4. Thanks guys! It's hard to make Renaissance Venice funny, but Venom has its moments :)

    1000.00 pet deposit??? Maybe for a tiger or an elephant. And I bet a big chunk of that is non-refundable too.

    And I am all for critical reviews. I think a lot of times a critical review can help an author make the next books even better, but people shouldn't be slamming books just because they don't agree with their religion or political views. That's how I feel, anyway.

  5. Love this post. Informative with lots of humor. I literally laughed out loud about the Insane pseudo-professional cyclists.

  6. Ok Srsly?? LOVE that whole post!! Also AGREE 100% with all of it, Especially about the reviews ughh.

    As a blogger/reviewer I do not put my personal beliefs like that against a book if I read it and really like the writing and characters then got mad and threw my book at the end... well that still does in no way deserve a 1 star. Or no stars. You have to take into account all the other things you LOVED about it.


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